Life is full of lessons. Lessons on how to grow, how to be, how to love and how to live but do we listen? Listening can be hard, especially when we are in the middle of that lesson. Sometimes it’s easier to complain about our circumstances or situations than to look at the lesson and move on. There is one lesson I’ve struggled with and it has been following me around for years. I’ve sort of labeled it my life’s theme work but despite each obstacle, encounter or situation I never truly grasped the entire lesson. Was I blind to its teachings or was I choosing to be blind?
Sometimes asking ourselves those hard questions is something we would rather avoid because hearing the truth is so much different from knowing the truth. You see when you hear the truth it ignites your inner desire to expand and grow. Sometimes when you hear the truth it hurts but once you’ve heard it, something clicks. Knowing the truth is different in the aspect that a part of you knows but it’s easy to dismiss. In my case it was so much easier to ignore until I heard it and reality set in.
My reality was death. A slow, miserable death full of pain, sadness and mental torture. For years I blamed others for causing me pain, but I was the one that kept inflicting the pain. I played victim to my circumstances and situations but I was the abuser in every situation. I was the reason for my pain. I was the reason for my sadness. Knowing this was easy but hearing it was hard. It was hard because it was the truth and a cold, bitter hard truth at that. The truth was I didn’t and couldn’t love myself enough to save myself from my own self-inflicted pain. The bitter truth was, I was living through the eyes of my past and through those eyes I deserved to be there.
Knowing this was my darkness and my secret. I thought that I was moving along just fine until one day the truth made itself heard. Hearing it first hand was my light and salvation. It was almost as if the light had switched on and it all made sense. We can’t change the situations or circumstances in our life but we can choose to see it through darkness or light. You cannot have one without the other. You need darkness in order to experience the light and you need light in order to understand the darkness. Both are a part of the lesson at hand and both teaching you something in the end. Knowing the darkness is part of the journey but once you hear the light that is when your journey truly begins.